As much as writing meant to me… as much comfort that it brought me throughout the years, as soothing as it was to me over time and as many tears as it washed away in my pages I quit. I checked out and quit. When I stopped writing it made for some really dark days but I just couldn’t bring myself to write again. Then I met someone whom I’ve grown to absolutely adore and as we sat and talked she told me I needed to write. I still couldn’t do it though. But every time I opened my mouth to vent about something or to share a thought, she’d say write it down. I’d shake my head and still wouldn’t listen. I thought that part of me was dead and gone. She helped me see that me and my writings hadn’t lost each other. All I needed to do was put pen to pad and write again.
When I did I discovered a love for it that ran deeper than anything I’ve ever known before. She later became one of my greatest inspirations. Every day she helps me move one step closer toward becoming the woman that I desire to be. She is beauty, brains, and success all wrapped up in one package. I want to get on her level one day. I love our conversations because although all of them aren’t always easy to have they are beneficial. They make you think. They make you want to be better. They challenge you to strive for more. They make you feel like a warrior that can conquer anything. They make you feel fearless even if sometimes it’s just for a moment. They are encouraging, inspiring, motivating, and sometimes downright hilarious. Every so often they are even annoying but I love them all and wouldn’t have it any other way. She is persistent. I don’t know what all she sees in me. But, I know that whatever it is, she’s going to do everything she can to see every ounce of me operating in my fullest potential… by any means necessary.
Every morning for the last maybe three weeks parts of our conversation have been repetitive. I know she doesn’t even realize it but it begins in the morning with a wake up text message. She tells me to get up and be productive that day because I have writing to do. Then shortly after that, when I am actually up and moving we are on the phone talking and laughing as usual. That’s until we hit a moment of silence that she’ll break by asking
“so are you going to write today?”
“Ah I didn’t plan on it…”
“well why not?”
“I don’t know I just didn’t”.
Then we proceed to talk about something else. Later on in the morning or early afternoon we’ll talk again and at random she’ll say
“did you write today?”
I’ll respond with “no I didn’t write today”.
Later on that night we talk again and at random she’ll say “so did you write today?”
“No, I didn’t write today.”
“I don’t know I just didn’t”.
Every day we repeated this until I changed my responses.
“Are you going to write today?”
“Yes, I’m going to write today”.
But she still followed up later in the day with “So did you start writing yet?” If I said “no” she’ll ask “why not?” “It got busy”. “Oh ok then”.
Later that night she’ll say “so did you write yet?” “I’m writing now”. “Awesome.”
Eventually I asked her why she always asking me if I was writing. She said because I had a lot to say I needed to get it out. I laughed and didn’t give it much thought at first but, I realized that from that moment on every day I was writing. Every day she still checked in to make sure I was writing. I think that was because she knew some of the things I desired to do. She knew what she saw every time she looked at me. So, that was her way of pushing me outside of my head to begin the process and put it on paper. Between us talking and me writing again I began to see a lot of life through a different set of lenses. I loved these conversations and if I ever said “no”, it would be a red flag to her that something was wrong.
When I write I’m able to clear my head and put on paper things that I might not ordinarily say out loud. But when I quit talking I quit writing too and I become trapped inside my head. She holds me accountable for everything I do and don’t do. No matter what I’m doing she’s right there to keep me focused and keep me encouraged. On those really awful days she makes me laugh until tears fall. If for some reason our journey together ever ends I have enough of her in my heart to achieve for both of us. She will forever be a part of me. I love her beyond words. She’s like the she in me I desire to be and more. She is the reason I started writing again.
#my real life warrior princess#
#my cherished blessing#
#a piece of my heart#